It’s nearly time…
3 days until I set off to London – One way, no looking back!
To say that I am shit scared is an understatement. I. Am. Terrified. But it’s a different kind of fear than I had even a few weeks ago. I think that what I am feeling at the moment is more of an excited fear. Im excited for whats to come. For once in my life. I don’t have things meticulously planed out; and it feels bloody amazing.
But the time has come to start saying my goodbyes – To my friends, my family, my work colleagues, my dogs. I didn’t really think about the fact that I had to say goodbye to people when I decided to book this one way ticket. Not that that would have changed my mind, but if I had thought about it I would have been more prepared for whats to come. Last weekend when I had a little going away shin-dig. Two of my best friends flew down to see me, so naturally a night on the town with everyone was in order. I had a great night with amazing people. We drank, we danced, and we had a blast. But the next morning was rough, and not just because of the pounding headache and sleep deprivation that I was experiencing. It was time to start my first set of goodbyes. Weirdly though I was fine. No tears were shed whilst saying our goodbyes (well not by me anyway). I sat in my car afterwards to start my hour long journey home bopping along to Beyonce, and that is when it first hit me. I just said goodbye to two of my closest friends. To say that I sobbed like a baby would be giving babies a bad name. Anyone who has seen me cry knows that it’s not a pretty thing even at the best of times. After a while (and some weird looks from other drivers) I shook it off and was fine. It made it easier as I knew that I’ll be seeing them in probably the next 12 months when they come and visit. A couple of days later I was saying goodbye to my oldest and best friend. Little tears were shed whilst saying our goodbyes but nothing over the top. Until I tried to go to sleep that night and cried into my pillow. Again, I knew that I would be seeing her soon-ish, so it was okay.
Saying goodbye to those three was hard, but I know that I will see them again. I will talk to them daily. The manic phone calls about relationship issues or fashion choices will continue. That wont change when I go. At least I hope it wont.
Saying goodbye to my work colleagues was harder than I thought it would be. Not gonna lie, I did get choked up saying goodbye and walking out of those office doors for the last time. That place has been a HUGE part of my life for the last 4 and a bit years. It’s tough leaving security and structure, and after 4 years, these people were not just colleagues, they became my friends. I spent more time with them than anyone. They knew me and I knew them and now I had to say goodbye.
It was saying goodbye to the people that I know that I wont ever see again. The people that I will talk to for the first few weeks but will inevitably fall out of contact. These are the goodbyes that were the hardest. It’s tough saying your final goodbyes. Saying things like “See ya later. Have a good life”
I think my dogs know something is about to happen. For the last few weeks they wont leave my side, they come and sleep in my bed (which they never did before) and they always get super excited to see me. I’m gonna miss getting woken up every day by 2 very excited dogs that want to always play.
I had to say goodbye to my niece and my unborn nephew. I don’t know when I’ll get to meet the little guy, or when I’ll see my little princess again. Saying goodbye to my brother and sister-in-law and my family was hard. But it was more of a “See ya later” than goodbye. But I think the hardest goodbye is yet to come. Saying goodbye to my parents at the airport (Even though I will be seeing them in a couple of months when they head to Europe). That is gonna be a VERY long flight to the poor bastard sitting next to the blubbering mess that I will inevitably become
“I think you’ve done what you’ve needed to do here. You’ve experienced what you can from this part of the world. It’s time for you to experience new things.”
I have had several people say this to me over the last few days and it’s just now clicked within me that I think they’re right. It’s time for me to go forth and prosper. Saying goodbye is hard. Far out it’s hard. But it’s for something worthwhile. I better make the most of it.
I am feeling a thousand emotions right now, but excitement is probably the top one. I cant wait to start the next chapter of my life. I better start writing…